Lately Princess Sierra has been comparing my boring behavior to that of a neutered old dog. Then out of the blue She realized that with me coming off of my hormone therapy i could go get myself neutered and yet i would not be effected as a dog would be. So She has ordered me to go get a VASECTOMY!!! I suppose it is not as bad as having my penis turned inside out and made into a vagina and not as bad as having it chopped off to the size of an olive, but I will still be PERMANENTLY STERILIZED!!! This is something that in my younger days i always said i would never do since i saw how much pain it caused for my brother-in-law, but i have not an ounce of resistance left when it comes to unquestioning submission to the will of HerRoyalHighness Princess Sierra.
i am so utterly amazed at the good fortune to have had my life so thoroughly overtaken by HerRoyalHighness Princess Sierra. At times i have wondered if i would even survive it, but now i know that no matter what, nothing would be more fulfilling than to die trying. Nothing in my life has ever been so rewarding as to know that i can do anything at all to make HER life more comfortable and happier for HER. i have had to struggle constantly to condition myself not to complain and whine about my own wants and desires, but She has remained so strict with me and so completely intolerable of my selfish outbursts that i finally do feel i am ready for the next level. And the timing could not be better since Princess Sierra has recently found a new love interest with an Equally Superior Woman, which will surely put my long-term selfless conditioning to the test. my whole life i have learned from society to be so possessive and jealous of that which i love, but such an attitude is so unsuitable for my life as a slave that i am looking forward to the challenge of overcoming this major stepping stone so that i might become all that much more trusted and useful to my Princess. In order to accomplish this, She has allowed me to do some thorough house cleaning in preparation for Her new lover to come over for an intimate night at home.
i shopped for dinner groceries, and cleaned the whole house--including the sacred bedroom, which i have only been permitted to enter once before so that i could hang the "Accolade" picture that i bought for Her birthday last year. As i was shopping for the dinner groceries, my mind drifted back to the most awesome rewards i have ever received from HerRoyalHighness--that of serving as Her dinner chair while She ate the meals i had so lovingly prepared for Her. But for this special occasion, i would not even be permitted to be in the house at all. And the whole time i was cleaning i could not help but to imagine the intimacies my Princess would be sharing with another Woman in such a way that i could never even hope to share with Her in any other manner than as a facilitating servant. But rather than letting my longings for such pleasures as i know i could never be worthy of, i learned instead to focus on the joys that my Princess would soon enjoy and hoped that in some small way i could take pleasure in knowing that i had done my part in facilitating them. i got to pick out new curtains for the bedroom and hang them, i bought fresh flowers and arranged them, and i even had the privilege of washing the sheets and making up the bed they would lie upon together. To keep my heart pounding like never before, my Devastating Diva even told me that i would be rewarded with the privilege of returning the following day to clean up after them and would be allowed to worship the sheets they laid upon.
It is amazing how easy it is for a man to get a VASECTOMY! It was only a little over a week ago that it was nothing more than a sudden whim in the mind of the Woman who owns me so completely, and now i am sitting here sterilized for life knowing that i would be shooting blanks if i was even allowed to shoot at all!!! The nurse asked me right before my surgery how my wife convinced me to get a vasectomy. But all i could tell her was that i am not even married and that i was doing this simply because the Woman i love told me to. It torments me all that much more to realize that i have NOT even been ALLOWED to MASTURBATE for nearly a YEAR now, let alone never again being allowed approach another Pussy Palace with an erection for the rest of my life! i do not know anymore if i would even be capable of performing traditional sex acts, but i do know how shameful it is to acknowledge the perverted things that do cause me to have erections and become so sexually frenzied as to BEG and PLEAD for my Princess to allow just one merciful release!
Lately i have been struggling with the conflict between my perverted side and my more vanilla side. my love for Princess Sierra transcends them both, but i cannot help craving such simple pleasures as giving Her a heartfelt hug. i told Her of this desire a long time ago, but She only chastised me over it back then. It seems that Her new love interest may be more than just a new torment, but may actually be a real blessing in disguise. For She has been so much more affectionate toward me, even if only as an owner is towards Her loyal puppy dog. She just makes my heart melt when i get the tiniest amount of affection such as a pat on the head. But my mind has never been so blown away as when (after so much mental abuse and teasing torments on the cell phone over the things She enjoyed about Her new relationship with an Equally Superior Woman while i was driving over to do some chores) my Princess finally allowed me to give Her a hug around Her beautiful knees as i kneeled before Her in tears. Never before in my life have i ever been broken down so low as to be able to openly cry like a baby as i was made to realize what a lowly pervert i am and how i will never be able to enjoy any intimate relationships of equality with anyone no matter how i might try to fool myself into believing it. And to demonstrate the point She was making about what really works for me and all that i will ever be suited for, She took me upstairs and secured me to the inside of Her bathtub to give me the first directly administered golden shower i have ever had in my life. Oh Dear Goddess!!! What an experience!!! Of course She was absolutely right about my reaction as i lied there in a state of absolute ecstasy with an undeniably full erection. It all became perfectly clear to me what i am and where i belong. i have never felt so at home as i did lying there drenched in Her golden nectar and watching Her get ready to go out for an evening with Her new lover as i was left there for nearly six hours letting it all sink in. It seemed like an eternity, but it was so worthwhile when She finally returned to soak me down again for the remainder of the night, only to be released in the morning to go home and ponder my new awareness of reality.
i have been so afraid that my first splooge in a year would have to be into a sperm sample container for the doctor following my vasectomy. They normally do 6 week and 90 day tests, so the first one would have fallen at the end of December. Fortunately, my doctor said one test would be enough and he wrote me a prescription for a Semen Analysis to be done anytime during February or March! So having that fear out of the way, i could look forward to a more special ceremony ending my year long period of chastity. i was so fearful i would not even be able to release when my Princess would finally allow me to, especially when She told me that i would only be allowed to splooge upon sniffing one of Her Farts!!! But as i so anxiously worshipped and anticipated the aromatic signal She warned me was on it's way, Her Fart sprung like a trigger causing me to shoot my long retired gun in an instant!!! i was sooo relieved and happy it worked that it wasn't until later that i realized that i had become what She now calls a "fart faggot."
Princess Sierra's Domain
Desiree's Diary II
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